And best of all, for the true cognoscenti, the Light Roller’s grab bag of post-tournament awards (fingers crossed these are the sort of trophies Gauti was referring to…)
Charlie Sheen Award for Winners who Win Stuff
Cricket loves celebrating individual statistics: Bradman’s average, Sachin’s international hundreds, Boon’s number of tinnies consumed on a flight. But Gambhir has news for you suckers: “Stop celebrating milestones, celebrate trophies.” Which sounds all right when you are India, holders of the men’s Asia Cup, the men’s and women’s Under-19 World Cups, the women’s 50-over World Cup, the men’s T20 World Cup (back-to-back winners) and the Champions Trophy. But might not be much fun for the rest of us.
Cricket loves celebrating individual statistics: Bradman’s average, Sachin’s international hundreds, Boon’s number of tinnies consumed on a flight. But Gambhir has news for you suckers: “Stop celebrating milestones, celebrate trophies.” Which sounds all right when you are India, holders of the men’s Asia Cup, the men’s and women’s Under-19 World Cups, the women’s 50-over World Cup, the men’s T20 World Cup (back-to-back winners) and the Champions Trophy. But might not be much fun for the rest of us.
4D Chess Award for Overthinking
Speaking of New Zealand’s abject performance in the final, things didn’t look good from the moment they elected to pull their punches on India’s offspinner weakness – dropping Cole McConchie in favour of a fourth seamer (seamers’ economy: 14.23) and also only bowling one over of Glenn Phillips. Clearly the Black Caps galaxy brains know better than the rest of us. Next time, guys, when someone tells you to use the forks, do so!
Speaking of New Zealand’s abject performance in the final, things didn’t look good from the moment they elected to pull their punches on India’s offspinner weakness – dropping Cole McConchie in favour of a fourth seamer (seamers’ economy: 14.23) and also only bowling one over of Glenn Phillips. Clearly the Black Caps galaxy brains know better than the rest of us. Next time, guys, when someone tells you to use the forks, do so!
Donald Trump Peace Prize for Authoritarian Intervention
Sri Lanka, the tournament co-hosts, did their absolute best to toady up to the BCCI by a) making a complete hash of attempting to reach the semis, and b) preventing Pakistan’s last-ditch attempt to qualify. Both outcomes helped ensure that the knockout fixtures would all be played in India rather than Sri Lanka. The players, of course, bore the brunt of fans’ displeasure, with the captain, Dasun Shanaka, suggesting that government intervention might be needed to stop all the negativity. Although when you consider that SLC is pretty much run by the government already, that may not be a foolproof plan…
Sri Lanka, the tournament co-hosts, did their absolute best to toady up to the BCCI by a) making a complete hash of attempting to reach the semis, and b) preventing Pakistan’s last-ditch attempt to qualify. Both outcomes helped ensure that the knockout fixtures would all be played in India rather than Sri Lanka. The players, of course, bore the brunt of fans’ displeasure, with the captain, Dasun Shanaka, suggesting that government intervention might be needed to stop all the negativity. Although when you consider that SLC is pretty much run by the government already, that may not be a foolproof plan…
Perfect Game Theory
England’s winter was filled with more unforced errors than Gil Gunderson trying to close a sale, most notably during the Ashes, but they still cobbled together a run to the T20 World Cup semi-finals. Along the way, Harry Brook regularly referred to his team’s efforts to play the “perfect game”, something that looked a distant prospect as England burped and scratched to wins over the might of Nepal, Scotland and Italy. When they got to the semi, the batting finally clicked and Jacob Bethell’s 46-ball hundred sent them soaring to their highest-ever T20 World Cup score. Unfortunately, the wheels had fallen off the bowling (and the catching), so the quest for perfection continues.
England’s winter was filled with more unforced errors than Gil Gunderson trying to close a sale, most notably during the Ashes, but they still cobbled together a run to the T20 World Cup semi-finals. Along the way, Harry Brook regularly referred to his team’s efforts to play the “perfect game”, something that looked a distant prospect as England burped and scratched to wins over the might of Nepal, Scotland and Italy. When they got to the semi, the batting finally clicked and Jacob Bethell’s 46-ball hundred sent them soaring to their highest-ever T20 World Cup score. Unfortunately, the wheels had fallen off the bowling (and the catching), so the quest for perfection continues.
Tortured Love Story
If you love someone, set them free. Or as the saying goes in Pakistan cricket: if you love someone, fete them as your best batter, give them the captaincy, take away the captaincy, give the white-ball bit back, take it away again, move them down the order, drop them from the side with instructions to improve their game, bring them back despite little indication they’ve done so, play them in an unusual position, then finally drop them again. For the last time. Maybe. Feel the love, Babar.
Michael Holding Prize for Not Giving a Rat’s About T20
In contrast to their millennia-long domination of the more traditional formats, Australia have always been pleasingly rubbish at T20 World Cups. Sure, they won one in 2021 – on the back of winning the toss and chasing five times out of six – but the last few editions have seen a steady reversion to the mean. In Sri Lanka this time around, they provided a callback to the inaugural World T20 by recreating their famous defeat to Zimbabwe; then managed to screw up against the hosts, despite being 104 for 0 in the ninth over. And don’t let’s get started on the fast-bowling attack, which in the absence of Cummins, Starc and Hazlewood comprised Ellis, Bartlett and, erm, Marcus Stoinis. Not so much a cartel as a car crash waiting to happen. Maybe England should propose turning the Ashes into a T20 series?
In contrast to their millennia-long domination of the more traditional formats, Australia have always been pleasingly rubbish at T20 World Cups. Sure, they won one in 2021 – on the back of winning the toss and chasing five times out of six – but the last few editions have seen a steady reversion to the mean. In Sri Lanka this time around, they provided a callback to the inaugural World T20 by recreating their famous defeat to Zimbabwe; then managed to screw up against the hosts, despite being 104 for 0 in the ninth over. And don’t let’s get started on the fast-bowling attack, which in the absence of Cummins, Starc and Hazlewood comprised Ellis, Bartlett and, erm, Marcus Stoinis. Not so much a cartel as a car crash waiting to happen. Maybe England should propose turning the Ashes into a T20 series?
Non-Big-Three Thanks for Coming Award
England, knocked out of the T20 World Cup on a Thursday, flew home on the Saturday. No such luck for South Africa, whose run at the tournament ended a day earlier, or West Indies, who had been eliminated after defeat to India in their final Super Eight game the Sunday before. Bored of waiting around for the ICC (which is responsible for organising teams’ travel at the World Cup), South Africa and West Indies players eventually whipped out their credit cards and paid their own way home. Maybe a better example exists to demonstrate the pecking order in world cricket, but we’re yet to hear of it.
England, knocked out of the T20 World Cup on a Thursday, flew home on the Saturday. No such luck for South Africa, whose run at the tournament ended a day earlier, or West Indies, who had been eliminated after defeat to India in their final Super Eight game the Sunday before. Bored of waiting around for the ICC (which is responsible for organising teams’ travel at the World Cup), South Africa and West Indies players eventually whipped out their credit cards and paid their own way home. Maybe a better example exists to demonstrate the pecking order in world cricket, but we’re yet to hear of it.
